When my first born child turned one my mother-in-law so very nicely informed me that he should already be toilet trained and that by the time my husband was that age he was already toilet trained and had been for a number of months. She then asked me when I was going to toilet train my son. After speaking to my sister-in-law about this I realized that what she was talking about was ‘toilet-timing’, not ‘toilet-training’ and there is a distinct difference.
‘Toilet timing’ is where you know your baby’s toilet habits and can time putting them on the potty in order to ‘catch’ the wees or poos. For example, if you know that your baby always poops about 20 minutes after their first feed, you could put them on the potty 20 minutes after their first feed and chances are, you are going to catch a poo. This does not mean that they are toilet trained. You have, however, managed to avoid a dirty nappy – yay!
‘Toilet training’ is where you are teaching your little one to independently use the potty or toilet when they know they need to. So you see, there is a distinct difference.
I have a two year old grandson (nearly three) who is in the process of learning to use the potty. It’s a challenging time for Ollie and for the rest of the family and it can be stressful. There will be accidents, probably some defiance, and some frustration. You may also question yourself as to whether you are doing it right (by the way, there is no right way or wrong way – just what works for you and your family).
But there are some things you can do to set your little one up for success, reduce stress and make toilet training a positive experience for all involved.
IN SHORT
Make sure your toddler is ready and that you have everything you need on hand, including the support of the rest of the household and your childcare centre. Set aside 3 or 4 days to focus solely on toilet training. During those 3 or 4 days:
- Let your child run around just in their underwear (you will have less washing
- Give them plenty of drinks so they will have lots of opportunity to use the potty
- Reward them and make a big fuss when they have success:
- Initially, reward them for just sitting on the potty and trying
- when they are doing this, reward them for doing a wee or poo on the potty, then lastly
- Reward them for using the potty without you prompting them
- Don’t punish them for accidents, just explain what they need to do next time.
A few notes:
Use correct terminology and talk to them about the potty, hand washing etc.
When you eventually leave the house, leave for just a short time (with your child wearing undies) and gradually increase the time your toddler can be out of range of a toilet. A good first trip with undies on may be from home to preschool).
Initially, put your toddler in a nappy or pull-up for sleeping, but when they are waking up dry, switch to undies for sleep time as well.
Be prepared for accidents– they will happen. However, they will happen less and less.
IN MORE DETAIL:
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOUR TODDLER IS READY FOR TOILET TRAINING?
Timing is everything – just because YOU are ready to say goodbye to nappies forever, doesn’t mean your toddler is too. I know that is not what you wanted to hear but both you and your toddler will have a much more positive experience with toilet training if you are BOTH ready. Starting too soon can set your little one back months and can lead to tears all around. Delaying it too long could limit your child’s independence.
Here are some things you can ask yourself to help you determine if your little one is ready for toilet training:
- Can they follow simple instructions, ‘like sit down’?
- Do they listen to you when you speak to them?
- Are they showing any signs that they don’t like a wet or dirty nappy?
- Do they try to take their nappy off or mimic you or older siblings on the toilet?
- Are they showing interest in the toilet or potty?
- Are they having periods of time during the day that their nappy is dry?
Having worked as an Early Childhood Teacher for a number of years (23 to be exact), I can tell you that children are not all ready for toilet training at the same age. Some may be ready at 18 months whilst others may not be ready until they are nearly 4 and it’s absolutely no reflection of your parenting ability or your little one’s intelligence if they take a little longer to get there. So if your toddler is not quite ready, don’t stress – it will happen. Wait a few months, check their development against the checklist again and try again.
So now that you have determined that your little one is ready for toilet training, what’s next?
PREPARING FOR TOILET TRAINING
Now that your toddler is ready for toilet training, YOU need to be ready. This is the time to make sure you have everything you will need – equipment, support and a healthy dose of patience.
What you will need:
- A potty (or toilet insert & toddler step)
- Something to keep your toddler occupied on the potty – books, an iPad, colouring book etc
- Little treats to reward your toddler. Ollie loooooves plain white bread and the only time he is allowed to have it is when he does a wee or poo on the potty. He will pester his mum for a ‘samich’, mum will say “you can have a piece of bread if you go and do a wee on the potty” and he runs straight off to use the potty (weird, I know – whatever works).
- Mop, bucket, disinfectant to clean up those inevitable accidents
- As many pairs of undies as you think you may need (believe me, you will need more than you think – 10 pairs is good start)
- At least 3 or 4 days where you do not need to go out so you can focus solely on toilet training without interruption
- The full support of your partner, parents, child care centre, etc. Everyone needs to be on board to ensure consistency
WHAT TYPE OF POTTY?
The type of potty or toilet insert you use is entirely up to you, but it is important that your toddler is able to sit on it comfortable for a period of time. If you take your toddler to the shop and let them help you pick it out they will be more likely to be excited to use it. If you already have one, don’t go out and buy one – maybe get them to decorate it with stickers etcetera to make it their own. It is also important that your toddler can use the potty or toilet insert/step themselves (we are trying to encourage independence, after all)
(insert pictures of different potties, toilet inserts etc here)
REWARDS AND BRIBERY
When it comes to toilet training, I believe in ‘whatever works’, and that includes bribery if absolutely necessary, just use it sparingly.
Toddlers will repeat behaviour they get rewarded for. Let me repeat that as it’s so important:
TODDLERS WILL REPEAT BEHAVIOUR THEY GET REWARDED FOR
Reward what you want them to repeat and play down the things you don’t want repeated. If they do a wee or poo on the potty, jump up and down, sing, dance, high-5 and make sure you tell them how clever and grown up they are. Help them to call Nana or Pa to tell them what they just did and really get them excited. Make them feel proud of themselves – it’s a huge achievement.
If they have an accident, reassure them that “it’s ok and that they are just learning but you are sure that next time they will do it in the potty”. Then leave it at that – no punishment necessary. If you find after a few days that they are having too many accidents (more than a couple a day) and have no idea about using the potty, maybe they are just not ready yet – try again in a few months. It’s seriously not worth the stress.
OTHER CONSDERATIONS
We have already talked about how to know if your toddler is ready for toilet training and if you’re ready for toilet training but there are some other considerations when thinking about when to toilet train your toddler.
Summer is probably the best (and easiest) time to toilet train as you can let your toddler run around with just their undies on, limiting the amount of washing created and also making it easier for your toddler to pull their pants down to use the potty and pull them up again
If there are a lot of other changes happening in your toddler’s life (such as a new baby or starting pre-school) it may be best to delay a little.
It’s also important that you have at least a few days up your sleeve where you can just stay at home, close to the potty and without any stress
(insert picture of calendar with days crossed off for toilet training here)
I can’t stress enough how important it is to involve others in the toilet training of your toddler, after all, it takes a village to raise a child. Get your partner on board and explain exactly what you will both be doing (maybe get them to read this post). Talk to your toddler’s child care centre or care provider so that they will carry on with toilet training when you are not around – consistency is the key here. It will take longer to toilet train if you are only doing it at home but at pre-school they have your toddler in nappies, or if you have them in undies, but as soon as you leave the house, your partner puts a nappy on them. Stand united.
WHAT’S NEXT?
After the initial few days, you will be ready to leave the house, but how can you do that with your newly toilet-trained toddler in undies and not have accidents. Let me tell you from experience that they will have accidents and probably at the most inconvenient time. So prepare for this – you can get waterproof liners for your car seat, take spare undies and clothes and something to clean them up if they have an accident.
Leave the house for short periods of time initially (with your toddler wearing undies). A good first trip may be from home to pre-school, or from home to Nana’s
Gradually increase the time that your toddler spends away from their potty by planning longer and longer trips – maybe a quick trip to the shops, a trip to the playground, etc.
NIGHT TIME TOILET TRAINING
Once your toddler is toilet trained during the day it’s time for the next step: night training.
Again, your toddler will tell you when it’s time to ditch the nappies altogether. They will either start waking during the night to use the potty (maybe put one next to their bed or next to yours), or they will start waking up dry in the morning.
There are a couple of things you can do to push them along a little. Firstly whilst we increased their drinks during the day to give them lots of opportunities to use the potty, the opposite is true with night training. Limit their drinks from about 2-3 hours before they go to bed.
Put them on the toilet/potty just before they go to bed and again as soon as they get up. You can initially do this while they are still wearing pull-ups or nappy and then switch to undies when they are waking up dry
It will also help to have a waterproof liner on their bed for those inevitable accidents.
I hope this has helped and you have success with your toddler toilet training. Let me know how you go.
But please remember that I am a Nana, not a child psychologist. Take on board what you like and what works for you and your toddler, but please don’t blame me if your child is still pooping in their pants at age 28 (you may need to seek some professional help by that stage)
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