Having your child sleeping in their own bed can be a dream come true for some people. For others it’s just normal. So what’s the difference? Why is it that YOU got the child that doesn’t sleep in their own bed?
For most toddlers and children who sleep in their parents’ bed it probably started with just a couple of bad nights or when they were sick. You know the scenario – sick child who can’t sleep, you’ve already been up to them several times and you have to get up for work at 6am, so you take them into your bed so you can at least get SOME sleep (sound familiar?).
Surprisingly, this is not the problem. The problem is that this can quite often become a habit simply because it is easier or more convenient in the short-term than getting up to them and constantly putting them back into their own bed.
I recently spent some time staying with my daughter and her family (husband, son 5 and son 2). When it came time to put the boys to bed, one of the parents had to go into the master bedroom, put on a video and lie down with them until they went to sleep. This could sometimes take an hour or more, taking a lot of time away from time they spent together as a couple. Quite often the boys (or at least one of them) would sleep in with their parents all night, leaving mum and dad exhausted the next day.
They used to be great at going to bed in their own beds. So what had happened?
It only takes children a few nights to get into a bad habit when it comes to bed-time and this had happened when one of them had been scared by thunderstorms a few nights in a row and had been taken into mum and dad’s bed to comfort them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this at all. I know how scared little ones can be of thunder. As long as once the reason for them being in your bed has passed, you establish their good bed-time routine again quickly – don’t let it drag on. Letting it continue will mean that both of you will be more tired.
So how do you get them sleeping in their own bed? It’s actually quite easy and only takes a few nights.
There are just 3 easy steps to getting them to sleep in their own bed:
- Make sure they’re tired
- Have a good bed-time routine
- Be consistent
Easy! Right?
Make sure they are tired
It’s no secret that tired children will go to sleep faster (and adults too for that matter) so tiring them out during the day is a must. Make sure they get some outside play during the day, that they run around and burn some energy. I know when I have had a physically tiring day I go to sleep much easier so it’s no surprise that your child will too.
Have a good bed-time routine
Whatever bed-time routine you choose, make sure it is one that you will be able to maintain. There is no use starting another habit that you are not prepared to continue (such as reading 10 stories before you say goodnight – don’t let your child convince you to keep reading more and more stories. Remember, you are the parent here).
The bed-time routine we established for my grandsons was:
- Clean teeth
- Toilet
- Each boy choose 1 story
- Story while they are in bed
- Goodnight
- Lights out
Again, sounds easy! Right?
You will need to be strong as your children will test you for the first couple of nights. If you show signs of weakness, they will pick up on it and pounce and it will be much harder to establish a good routine with them. If you are strong and stick to your guns, your children will quickly realize that you cannot be so easily swayed anymore and they will give up trying.
Now the first 3 steps in the process are easy and your children shouldn’t jack up about these steps at all. The next few may pose more of a challenge.
STORY WHILE THEY ARE IN BED
It’s important that you read them the story while they are in bed. This establishes a boundary. If they get off the bed, the story stops until they are back on the bed. You may need to stop a few times the first night. After this, it shouldn’t be a problem
GOODNIGHT/LIGHTS OUT
Once the story is over, don’t waste time in saying goodnight – it will only make it harder for both of you. Say goodnight and tell them that they have to stay in their bed now, put the book down, turn the light out and walk out – don’t look back.
When they get up (and they will get up), take them back to bed straight away, tell them to stay in their bed, say goodnight and walk straight out. Repeat this process until they fall asleep.
When we did this with Archie and Ollie, we told Archie (5) he had to be brave and show Ollie (2) how to go to sleep in his ow bed. Archie had a few silent tears but he tried really hard to be brave and he stayed in his bed. He was given a lot of praise and made a fuss of the next morning for being good and staying in his bed.
Ollie, on the other had screamed the house down. He was not happy about the new sleeping arrangements. As we knew there was nothing physically wrong, we allowed him to cry for just a short time so see if he would settle himself. He didn’t. So I went into the room, stroked him softly on the head, talked quietly to him and told him he needed to stop crying and be a big boy. once he started to settle, I said goodnight and walked out of the room again.
He immediately stared screaming. I repeated the above process. In fact I again repeated it one more time before he went to sleep (in his own bed).
In the morning we made a big fuss of him sleeping in his own bed and what a big boy he was now.
CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY
We had also discussed that if either boy got up during the night and went into their parents’ bed, they would immediately put them back in their own bed. Fortunately that didn’t happen and they both slept right through.
The next night we repeated the process. This time Archie (5) went straight to sleep with no tears and Ollie only needed to be put back to bed once.
The following night, I went home and there were a few tears (Archie thought he only had to go to bed in his own bed because Nana was there, but mum soon set him straight). Ollie went straight to sleep.
The 4th night, they both went straight to sleep in their own beds and they have been doing so every night since.
SUCCESS!
Mum and Dad are now both enjoying the luxury of a quick and easy bed-time routine and enjoying some time together after the boys go to bed.
Let me know how you go with getting your little ones to sleep in their own bed.
Remember though that I am not a child psychologist – I am a Nana. So if this doesn’t work, don’t blame me, You can read my full disclaimer here.
If you like that, you might like How To Toilet Train Your Toddler In 4 Easy Steps
