Toddlers are notoriously picky when it comes to food. This can lead to a lot of stress and tension in the home and a lot of tears (both from the toddler and the parents. Parents fear that their toddler isn’t getting enough nutrition, it will stunt their grown, affect the development of their teeth (and the list goes on).
There can be a number of reasons why a toddler may not want to eat (or eat that) and it’s important if you have a fussy eater that you look at possible causes first, before you begin to stress or panic. Sometimes, there is more than one reason, so patience is a must while you’re trying to work out what’s going on.
Some Reasons Why A Toddler May Not Want To Eat
The Need to Explore and Control Their Environment
As your toddler grows and learns new skills, they begin to be more independent (and to let you know how independent they are). One of the first skills your child learns is to feed themselves and this is one of the very few ways a young child has of controlling their world. They quickly learn that they can get your attention by refusing to eat, or by throwing food over the side of the high chair, or by smearing food everywhere. The more you react, the more they’ll do it. They are learning the principle of “cause and effect” (who’d have though science started so young)
As a result of these new-found ways of controlling their world, it’s no surprise that meal-times can become a battlefield – you know what you want them to do, but they haven’t read the rule book and they are learning how to get your attention and how to control their world. Make sense, doesn’t it?
Then, just when you figure out what they like today, they change their mind and decide that they actually hate banana, even though they scoffed down 2 yesterday before breakfast. This is all normal toddler behaviour and it’s part of your child learning about their world. However, this doesn’t make it any easier to deal with when you are trying to give them breakfast, get ready for work, put on a load of washing and get out the door by 7:30am.
Are They Even Hungry?
Some toddlers naturally don’t need to eat much. I have two grandsons (brothers) who are very different in their eating habits, even though they have been raised exactly the same – they just have different needs. One is very active and therefore naturally needs to eat more. He’s also more of a grazer – not so much into sitting down to a meal, but constantly asking for food. The other is much quieter so he doesn’t use up as much energy during the day. He tends to do quieter activities like puzzles and Lego. so he can go for a longer period of time between meals and then doesn’t eat much at meal times either. Both of these are perfectly normal and nothing to worry about, as long as they are both healthy and happy. Your child may be one that doesn’t burn much energy and therefore doesn’t need to eat as much naturally.
As my children were growing up, I noticed that they went through periods of growth when they also ate me out of house and home) followed by periods where they seemed to just stop eating and stop growing. I breathed a sigh of relief as I realised that their clothes may just last the season without needing to be replaced because they had grown out of them. Toddlers are no different. They also go through periods where they are growing fast and need more food and periods where they stop growing and therefore they don’t need to eat as much. Again this is normal and nothing to worry about. Toddlers have a natural decrease in appetite at around 18 months of age (although this varies with each child), but their appetite will go up and down several times in their early years.
Medical Reasons
Whilst it is perfectly normal for toddlers and children to have decreased appetite at certain times and to be picky eaters, it is also wise if you are worried, to rule out medical reasons why your child may not be eating as well as you think they should be.
Here are a few medical reasons why your toddler may not be eating as well as they should:
- Tongue Tie. This is a condition in which the thin piece of skin under the baby’s tongue (the lingual frenulum) is abnormally short and may restrict the movement of the tongue. If this is significant, it is usually picked up early with feeding difficulties as a young baby, but may also go unnoticed for some time.
- Sensory Processing Disorder. VeryWell.com says if your toddler only likes one or 2-types of food textures, or refers to any foods wetter than a cracker as “slimy,” they may have what’s known as a sensory processing disorder, which makes it difficult for their brains to sort out sensory information collected through the body. “In practice, these children may gag if forced to eat food with the problematic texture, and they’ll likely refuse it if they can,” it notes. This problem can be identified beyond eating – your child may not like to be touched or they may be overly annoyed by tags in their clothing, explains the source.
- Dysphagia. Difficulty or discomfort when swallowing. Dysphagia is associated with a wide range of medical conditions and is a result of damage to the nerves and muscles used for swallowing. Symptoms of dysphagia include choking and coughing on swallowing and food sticking & causing discomfort.
- Constipation. Constipation may be a possible reason for your child not accepting food. You know yourself if you are constipated you feel uncomfortable and this may impact your appetite. Your child is no different.
If you have ruled out medical reasons for your child not wanting to eat, there are a few non-medical things which may impact your child’s eating habits.
- Lack of routine. Establishing good routines for your children are important in all aspects of their life. Routines make children feel secure and safe. This is particularly important if you have a toddler who won’t eat. Routines let children know what is expected of them and assists them in knowing that this is time to eat – not time to play or time to watch TV.
- Too much to drink. If your child fills up with milk, they will not have room for food – it’s that simple. If your child drinks a lot, whether it be water, milk or juice, they may not be hungry when it comes to meal time. Milk contains calories, fat and sugar. So if they are having milk between meals, they simply may not be hungry.
- Snacking. I know what you’re thinking – “MY CHILD WON’T EAT!!!”. You may be surprised at how much your child snacks between meals. It’s easy to hand them a piece of cheese to keep them quiet while you get something done or let them snack on something in the car to stop that endless chatter that happens on trips. If your child won’t eat at mealtimes, snacking may be the issue.
- Over-stimulation. Ollie, who I talked about before, is super active and so it’s hard for his parents to get him to sit still long enough for him to have a meal. Doing a boisterous activity before meal times can be counter-intuitive if you are trying to get your toddler to sit still long enough to eat.
So what you can do?
Don’t worry
I know that’s easier said than done but the best thing you can do for your toddler is to offer encouragement and healthy food choices. Over time they will do the rest. Your child may hardly eat anything one day and snack all day the next. So it’s important to not get hung up on what they have eaten today. Instead look at what they have eaten over the course of a week and keep in mind that they may not be growing rapidly at the moment or just may not be very active. Their food intake, the same as ours, can vary a lot from day-to-day and stressing about it will not help them or you.
Also, try to remember, if your child is active, something must be fuelling all that energy, so they are probably getting enough. If in doubt, ask your doctor to determine if they are within the ‘normal’ range for their age. This may give you some reassurance. But please remember, that ‘normal’ may not be normal for your child. I had a child who was particularly small and whilst doctors fussed over her and her lack of growth (she was below the 10th percentile), she was happy and healthy and that’s all that matters. In 2nd grade, she went from the smallest in the class to one of the tallest, and then didn’t grow much after that – that’s just the way she was.
What else can you do if you are still worried?
Establish a routine.
If you want them to sit down and eat at meal times, it is important to establish a good meal time routine. Any routine will work as long as it is one that suits both you and your child. If your child is old enough, get them involved in determining the routine. Ask them what they want to do for their ‘quiet time’ before meals. and ask them what reward they would like if they sit still though meal time
Take it in steps.
You may want to start by encouraging your child to come to the table and rewarding (or praising) them just for that. Next, you may want to reward or praise them for sitting through the meal (whether they eat or not). Then you may want to praise or reward them for eating something, etc.
Don’t let them snack.
Offer water instead of milk between meals and if they do snack, make sure that their snack is healthy and part of a balanced diet. This way, if they don’t eat at meal times, they still would have eaten healthily throughout the day. However, decide what you want them to do – eat meals or graze – you can’t have it both ways.
Offer Variety
Offer a variety of healthy food choices and let them chose for themselves. Choose a variety of tastes, textures, and colours to give them the widest choice. This gives them control and choice
Make Mealtimes Positive
Don’t get angry with them, threaten or punish them if they don’t eat. You want meal times to be a positive experience. Don’t let it become a power struggle – they will eat when they are hungry. Keeping meal times happy and positive will help you to raise a happy, healthy eater.
Make Mealtimes Family Time
Have meals as a family whenever possible – it’s part of establishing a routine but if your toddler sees the rest of the family happily eating, they will be more likely to want to eat too.
Get Them Involved
If your child is old enough, get them to help prepare the meals. Again, this gives them some control and they will be more likely to want to eat if they have prepared it themselves.
Don’t Pander To Them
If they don’t like what’s served up to them, don’t offer something else but make sure you try it again in a week or so. Toddlers often take some time to get used to new foods. If you offer something else, you are teaching them to be fussy.
Give Them Additional Nutrients If Need Be
If your child doesn’t seem to eat much, make sure that what they do eat is nutrient dense and counts towards their daily nutrient needs. Offer a variety of healthy foods and don’t fill them up with chips, lollies, cakes, muesli bars etc. – make their food count. If you suspect that they may not be getting enough nutrients, you can add supplements to their diet. Make sure you check with your doctor or pediatrician first. The best way to know whether your child needs a daily multivitamin – and what kind to give them – is to check with your doctor
Let me know how you go and you can always get in touch with me if you have any other toddler questions. As always though, please remember that I am not a child psychologist, nutritionist or any other ‘ist’. I am simply a nana giving ‘nana-type’ advice. You can read my full disclaimer here.
If you liked this, you may also like “How to Get Your Toddler To Sleep In Their Own Bed” or “How To Toilet Train Your Toddler“, and don’t forget to subscribe to my blog by clicking on the link below so you don’t miss any of my intriguing posts.
